Amusing Quotes by Author

Last Names Starting With U, V, W, X, Y, & Z

If god hadn't meant us to drink beer, he wouldn't have given us stomachs.
      —Unknown
 

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
      —Unknown
 

Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least.
      —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, painter, novelist, dramatist, poet, humanist, scientist, philosopher, and for ten years, Chief Minister of State for the duchy of Weimar
 

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.
      —Jane Wagner, actress
 

I guess in all my years, what I heard more often than anything was: a town of less than 50,000 population cannot support a discount store for very long.
      —Sam Walton, founder of Wal-Mart
 

I'm a deeply superficial person.
      —Andy Warhol, artist
 

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
      — Mae West
 

He who hesitates is a damned fool.
      — Mae West
 

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.
      — Mae West
 

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.
      — Mae West
 

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.
      — Mae West
 

First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
      — Doctor Who, sci-fi icon
 

I have the simplest of taste. I'm easily satisfied with the best.
      — Oscar Wilde
 

When the Paris Exhibition closes electric light will close with it and no more will be heard of it.
      — Erasmus Wilson, professor at Oxford University, 1878
 

I can't give you brains, but I can give you a diploma.
      — The Wizard of Oz to the Scarecrow
 

Not choice but habit rules the unreflecting herd.
      — William Wordsworth
 

Let me see if I've got this straight. In order to be grounded, I've got to be crazy, and I must be crazy to keep flying. But if I ask to be grounded, that means I'm not crazy anymore and I have to keep flying.
      —Capt. John Yossarian, enunciating the famous "Catch-22" in the eponymous novel
 

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a dark side, it has a light side, and it holds the universe together.
      —Carl Zwanig, comic theorist
 

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